I’ve shared my story before, but as I’ve walked through my healing journey—reflecting on myself with Heavenly Father and analyzing my patterns—I realized there was a recurring test I kept failing. It became a cycle that trapped me. This issue became clear during meditation when a word came to me: “The Demons Attached to Parentified Daughters.”
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The Heavy Burden of Being Parentified
For those unfamiliar, parentified means when a child is forced to take on a parent’s role.
In these situations, the child takes on responsibilities like caregiving, decision-making, or emotional support—duties that adults should handle. For me, this meant being the eldest daughter of seven children and taking on the role of a surrogate parent in their lives. The weight of this responsibility fell on me at a very young age, and in many ways, the devil began to train me this way. I adopted a martyr mentality, believing that I had to sacrifice myself so everyone else could thrive. While this was the call for Yahusha (Jesus), I can tell you that it was not the calling God had for me.
The Demons Attached: How Parentification Shapes Us
Throughout my adult years, even after I left my parents’ home, my role in the family never stopped. Although I no longer lived in the household where I grew up, I kept returning. I provided support, gave, and helped family members who were fully capable. Looking back now, I realize that guilt was the driving force behind it all.
I felt a constant pull, a heavy sense of responsibility. I became enmeshed. God was trying to show me a different path, urging me to break free and move forward. But instead, I kept looking back, and in doing so, I remained stagnant.
My parentified upbringing drew me into unhealthy patterns in my adult life. It wasn’t just about taking on responsibilities—it shaped my relationships. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are older, they will not depart from it.” But what happens when that training goes wrong? I learned to attract abusive behavior because of how I was raised, without realizing it at the time.
The Demons Attached: Carrying Burdens Not Meant for Me
I found myself repeatedly attracting the same toxic patterns from a particular family member into my female friendships. It didn’t happen just once—it happened repeatedly. I kept encountering the same types of people—helpless, needy, insecure individuals with abandonment issues, often abusive in their own ways. They all wanted me to sacrifice myself to soothe their pain.
I would give and give, and when I finally had enough, these women punished me for not complying—attacking my character, using microaggressions, and being passive-aggressive. It felt all too familiar, like the family member who always reinforced the guilt I carried.
The Story of Simon of Cyrene and the Burden of the Cross
During my journey to find myself, I came across the Bible story of Simon of Cyrene and the burden of the cross (Mark 15:21, Matthew 27:32, Luke 23:26).
In this story, soldiers forced Simon to carry Jesus’ cross after Jesus grew weak from His beatings. Simon didn’t choose to carry the cross; they thrust him into the position unwillingly.
When others impose burdens, especially those they’ve created themselves, they often stand against God, who is a God of choice. Instead of seeking Him, relying on His strength, and repenting from their wicked ways, they place their yoke on others.
The Demons Attached: How Wasting Time Distracts You from Your Purpose
One of the devil’s tactics is to waste your time. He wants you to focus on catering to people who have made fear their idol and show disobedience to God, so you lose sight of your true purpose.
The enemy wants to divert your attention so he can slow you down and drain your energy, keeping you from the beautiful future God has for you. Remember, you can’t serve two kingdoms. It’s not possible.
You have a choice: either carry the yoke the devil places in front of you, which will distract you from your purpose, or carry your own load, as Galatians 6:5 says: “For each one should carry their own load.”
Let’s be clear: There’s a distinct difference between supporting, motivating, and helping others on their journey, and enabling them by carrying their cross.
When No One Was There: Finding God in My Moment of Need
One way God helped me break this cycle was by placing me in a position where I needed help and support. When I looked around, no one—not a single person—could offer even a word of encouragement.
This is the start of my awakening, that was a huge eye-opener for me. I ran back to God.
When people can’t even show up for themselves and place their burdens on others, how can you expect them to show up for you?
As strange as it may sound, I’m grateful for that moment when no one was there for me because it led me straight to Abba. I’ve heard stories of parentified children who spent years neglecting God and themselves, and now, in their old age, they live with resentment, dwelling on what could have been.
So, choose Him, as Matthew 11:28-30 says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Breaking the Cycle of Enabling and Codependency
Another way God helped me break free from my toxic cycle was through a dream that revealed a pattern I had been blind to. In the dream, I defended a family member accused of a crime. When someone explained how they’d wronged them, I didn’t hesitate to offer money to make it go away. A week later, I found myself doing the same thing for a sibling in a different situation.
Looking back, I see that I had been enabling others, trying to protect them from the consequences of their actions. God allows us to face the results of our choices for a reason: to help us grow. By stepping in, I was blocking that growth—not only for them but for myself as well.
The consequences of this behavior eventually caught up with me—my finances dried up as a wake-up call. I realized I needed to stop enabling and start setting boundaries. Now, when someone reaches out with a problem, I keep it brief, tell them I’ll pray for them, and no longer get involved in fixing their mess. It’s tough, especially for those who are used to me stepping in, but I know it’s necessary for both their growth and mine.
The Demons Attached: Breaking Free from Trauma Bonds
When I used to watch horror movies, one particular film stayed in my mind. Over time, God delivered me from the need to watch them, and now, I can’t even imagine doing so. But if you’ve ever seen Orphan (2009), based on a true story (spoiler alert), you’ll remember it tells the tale of a couple who adopts a child they believe is a 9-year-old girl. She seems innocent and helpless, but as the story unfolds, we realize she’s secretly plotting against them—causing chaos, ruining their marriage, and even becoming obsessed with the husband. In the end, the “9-year-old” is revealed to be a 34-year-old woman.
I mention this because it reflects the kinds of relationships I kept attracting—women who seemed to need help but were deeply hurting inside. We bonded over our shared pain, and for a long time, I couldn’t understand why these women always seemed to find me. Many lacked a motherly figure or had experienced neglect. Because I had always taken care of others, they could sense that and came to me for support.
This pattern disrupted my life in many ways. If you can relate, the most important thing you can do is focus on healing yourself. Learn to love and respect yourself. Let go of the guilt and shame of setting boundaries.
In Closing
Now that I’m aware of the demons that have attached themselves to me, I carefully examine anyone who enters my life. It’s important to ask yourself: Were they sent by God or the devil? This is how you break the generational curses in your family—by doing the inner work, reflecting on your family’s patterns, and identifying the negative cycles that continue to repeat. Above all, guarding your heart is essential.
I hope this post, The Demons Attached to Parentified Daughters, offers you valuable insights. If you’d like to join me on this journey of healing and transformation, please subscribe to my newsletter here.
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