Everybody is looking to find love, and that’s a natural instinct. Even Adam in the Garden of Eden searched for love, before he knew what loving a woman would be like. In Genesis 2:18, God recognized Adam’s need for companionship. He said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’
But while we all seek love, there are steps to find love God’s way. In this post, I will explain more about what those steps are. I’ll also offer insight on what love looks like from a biblical perspective.
Want to listen to this message instead? Click Here
The World’s View vs. The Truth on Love:
When it comes to love, there’s the worldly way and then there’s the truth. The world tells us a woman leaves home at 18, goes to school or work, meets a partner, moves in together, and learns each other’s quirks, then the man proposes. You have kids and live happily ever after. Sounds simple, right?
But that’s not how it was meant to be. If it were, divorce wouldn’t be as common as it is today. The truth is, the world’s view of love is missing something deeper. As the Bible says, ‘There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end, it leads to death’ (Proverbs 14:12). That ‘death’ could very well mean the end of a marriage or union because it’s built on a flawed foundation.
The Truth About Love: A Process of Healing and Growth
The truth is, we are all imperfect people, and we all fall short of God’s glory. Because of this, there’s a process that God takes us through before we are truly ready for love and a healthy relationship.
When we seek God, He leads us through a purification process, healing past wounds and addressing our imperfections. This process starts with fixing ourselves first so that we can attract the right kind of love.
As we seek God, He transforms us into His image, as 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.”
If we allow God to work in us, we will reflect His healing and wholeness, and that’s what we’ll attract into our lives. Without this transformation, we attract people from our own brokenness or, worse, carry unresolved issues into a marriage, which can cause destruction.
This process of healing may also involve going to a trusted church leader, counselor, or therapist to help us unveil those issues we may not even see ourselves. We might think we are perfectly fine or have no issues, but as the Bible says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Often, we need others to help us recognize what we might be blind to.
The Biblical Approach to Relationships: How the Father’s Role Helps You Find Love
In biblical times, people approached relationships very differently than they do today. In God’s design, the man was responsible for finding a wife and would seek the woman’s father’s approval first. If the father knew the man and his family was respectable, approval was likely. The father’s approval was based not just on the man’s character, but also the values upheld by his family.
The father’s role was crucial in assessing whether the man was a good match for his daughter. He could discern potential struggles or challenges the man might face based on his family history and upbringing. This is why when Abraham decided to choose a wife for his son Isaac, he sent his servant back to his homeland in Mesopotamia to find a wife from a family that honored God. Abraham didn’t want Isaac to marry someone from the surrounding Canaanite tribes, as they did not share the same faith.
Similarly, in the case of Jacob, when he wanted to marry Rachel, he went to Laban, her father. Laban worked alongside Jacob and examined his character, observing his work ethic, patience, and respectfulness over time. As the father and head of the household, Laban made sure Jacob was a good fit for his daughter, and this pattern appeared in many other biblical courtships.
However, in today’s world, society often removes or diminishes the father’s role as the head of the household. The father of the household acted like a two-factor authentication (2FA) system, providing extra protection for his daughter’s love life, as the Bible says women are the weaker vessel. Without fatherly involvement, confusion and deception open doors for the enemy.
And we’re talking about guidance from righteous fathers—fathers who have their children’s best interests at heart. And that’s a whole other topic in itself.
Find Love the Biblical Way: Why Sex Complicates Things
The Bible warns us about sex before marriage for our protection. Introducing sex, especially early on, can cloud our judgment. As 1 Peter 5:8 says, ‘Be sober, be vigilant; your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.’ When we are not sober-minded, we miss red flags that should have been clear from the beginning.
Waiting and following God’s design reveals a person’s true character, showing their imperfections and unhealed wounds. Rushing into marriage or children without this clarity often leads to regret, as many end up tied to someone they don’t truly love or respect.
This is especially difficult in today’s world, where society often encourages the opposite. Choosing God’s way, even when it’s not popular, is walking the narrow path, as Jesus described in Matthew 7:13-14:
‘Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.
Find Love: Signs Someone Loves You
When entering a relationship, we often ask, ‘How do I know if they truly love me?’ Whether out of excitement or a need for reassurance, we seek signs of genuine care.
The Bible also offers wisdom on what love truly looks like. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 captures this beautifully:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Beware of Love Bombing: The Devil Can Disguise Himself as an “Angel of Light”
Sometimes, a person may show these qualities early in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean it’s true love. “It’s a tactic known as love bombing. Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with excessive affection, compliments, and promises, to manipulate you.
The Bible also warns that the devil can disguise himself as an “angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). This is why we must stay sober-minded and resist lustful desires, as the Bible warns. In 2 Timothy 3:6, it says certain people “worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and swayed by all kinds of evil desires.
Conclusion: Guard Your Heart and Seek God’s Wisdom
As you navigate relationships, it’s crucial to keep God’s wisdom at the forefront. True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is patient, kind, humble, and forgiving. If someone’s love does not align with these qualities, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
Keep yourself grounded in truth, stay sober-minded, and don’t let quick gestures or promises sway you. Trust God to give you discernment as you navigate the complexities of relationships. True love always roots itself in patience, humility, and respect—not manipulation or deceit.
I saw a post on social media recently that said, ‘An unhealed mother is a child’s worst enemy.’ This statement struck me, so I’d like to add to that. An unhealed wife is an enemy to her husband, and vice versa. I’ve seen marriages fall apart because unhealed trauma stayed hidden until after the wedding and children came into the picture
Some may argue they know couples who didn’t follow God’s word but are still in love.That may be true in some cases—God has allowed those couples to grow together within their marriage. But that’s not always the case for everyone. You can’t leave open doors for error in your relationship because, as the Bible says, we must “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) When we leave things to chance and don’t do our due diligence, we may never know what challenges could arise down the road.
I hope this post, Find Love God’s Way has been helpful to you. If you’d like to stay updated on future posts, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter here.